


the misadventures of detective falsewell and grianlock

by sleepyrinas



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Detective AU, Swearing, g and false siblings! for me. as a treay, i dont know what im doing. how the fuck do i tag this, just a big ol snapcube reference, more charas added as the story goes along :], this fic/au is mostly just for fun and giggles! so idk how else to tag this just emjoy :]
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:54:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29980416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepyrinas/pseuds/sleepyrinas
Summary: Detectives Falsewell and Grianlock are some of the best in the business, two siblings with a prowess for solving mysteries and any flavor of crime. Of course, not everything goes as simply as they hope. What disasters and troubles await these two detectives in the small town of Hermitville? Only one way to find out!
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	the misadventures of detective falsewell and grianlock

**Author's Note:**

> hi! uh. this is my first hermitcraft fic pls be nice im fragile and i have no idea what im doing this was an au idea i got a while back nd have been slowly developing and now its words! weeeee!! its supposed to be just a fun little goofy au nothing too serious and yeah ajsjdjd enjoy. i guess i just hope u laugh and have fun!!  
> ALSO SHOUT OUT TO EVERYONE FROM THE HCHC DISCORD!!! MY AUS WOULD BE NOTHING WITHOUT YALL MWAH <3333

“Detective Falsewell! Detective Grianlock!” 

The two detectives look up as their names are called, a familiar face walking through the door with a big smile. False grins as she puts some files away in the cabinet. “Well, if it isn't Mr. Ren Dog!” 

Ren flips his sunglasses up so they rest on the top of his head, flashing a toothy grin and resting his hands on his hips. “What’s up dudes! How’re my favorite detectives doing?” 

Grian lifts his head up from his laptop, hopping up and out of his seat to run over and hug Ren. He stumbles a little as he barrels into him, but he stands up straight and ruffles the shorter man’s hair playfully.

“Ren, we’re the  _ only _ detectives you know.” Grian reminds him. He shrugs. “And? You’re still my favorites! I could’ve said...Sherlock or something!”

“But Sherlock isn’t  _ real _ —“

Ren throws his hands up in the air. “Listen! I didn’t come here to debate detectives with you two! I have something for you, actually.”

He reaches into his coat and pulls out a beige folder, handing it off to False. “I investigated that case you got assigned earlier. I compiled as much information as I could find on the suspect, so it should be a little bit useful to you guys.” 

False, with Grian sticking his face in over her shoulder, opens up the file, full of papers of condensed information so it’s easier to digest and read, plus with some of Ren’s own notes and doodles scribbled in the margins. 

“Perfect! We were actually gonna head down there soon, so this’ll be helpful.” False says as Grian takes the folder and looks at it himself.

“God, what would we do without you?”

“Uhhhh…dead, first of all. Secondly, your jobs would be much harder than they already are.” Ren says as he steps carefully around the detective office, False and Grian rushing around to organize everything in a quick manner. “Are you two planning on going right now?” 

Grian grabs his coat from where it’s draped over a chair in the corner. “I guess so? Might as well, while the daylight’s still out.” False in turn grabs her own coat, sliding it on with ease. “And knowing ourselves? We probably won’t do it unless we do it now.”

Ren tosses Grian his hat, the shorter stumbling to catch it. “Will you guys need me? Earpiece? Anything?” False shakes her head after thinking for a second. “I don’t think so, we’re pretty covered on the information and if we need any help, we’ll give you a call.” 

“Alright! I’ve got my own work to do, so I’ll leave you dudes to it! I’ll see ya later!” Ren waves with a smile as he already heads off towards his own space of their office, attending to whatever business he needs to. False turns her attention towards Grian, who’s adjusting the hat on his head. “You ready?”

“Yep! Let’s go!” 

  
  
  


It’s a brisk, cool winter afternoon as the two detectives walk down the street together, Grian speed walking to keep up with False’s long strides. The two crime solvers are siblings, both adoring detective media when they were younger, mostly thanks to their parents. Falsewell and Grianlock aren’t their real names of course, just some fun names they came up with to use when doing detective things. (They never refer to each other as such, though. They’d rather die.) They never really expected to end up in this profession, but years later here they are, some of the best detectives out there, successfully solving every case presented to them. From petty theft to gruesome murders, they’ll solve anything.

Scams and such don’t come up often, but it’s certainly not their first one. The case had been specifically brought up by the  _ mayor _ , of all people, Scar, mostly because he got roped in himself.

“G, can you read off the file for me please?” False asks.

She eases her pace just a little, so Grian can keep up more easily. He pulls out the folder and flips it open, starting to read it outloud.

The suspect is a one Etho Slab, (False kicks Grian for snorting) suspected for running a scam business. Well, less scams and more general inconvenience and annoyance. He runs both Shade-E-E’s and Sneaky E-E’s respectively, and there’s been enough suspicion that they’ve been sent to investigate.

There’s also been some theft accusations and tax evasion stuff, but they’ll cross that bridge when they get there.

“Seems like we’re gonna be talking a lot today.” False says, putting her arm in front of Grian so he doesn’t walk straight into the busy street. He doesn’t remove his eyes from the file, quickly scanning over all the information. “Yeah, seems so. It’s definitely a nice pace change from last week though.”

False cringes at the memory. They were stressed out the entire time, running around sleepless trying to piece together a murder case. She’s never felt so exhausted in her life, but at least they successfully solved it and brought justice. “Guess you’re right. Let’s just hope it goes quickly.” 

They make their way towards the small building that houses Shade-E-E’s, False keeping Grian from blindly walking into traffic repeatedly. There’s an office at the top, probably where they’ll find him, at least they hope. They find the building quickly, mostly due to it’s almost gaudy decoration and exterior. It looks like a dice roll of different kinds of architecture, but somehow it  _ works _ . 

“You know what one picture where you can’t name anything? That’s what this building feels like.” Grian says. False snorts, glancing between him and the building. “Sure is. Do we knock? Do we just go inside?” 

She walks up to the big double doors, and they swing open automatically without any push. Grian curses under his breath as False glances back towards him. “Guess we go inside?” She says, stepping in confidentiality. “Nothing good ever comes from doors that randomly open on their own.” Grian huffs. False shrugs, taking a good look at the small lobby they’re standing in. It’s empty, stock on the shelves but not a sign of a human life anywhere. There’s an elevator near the back of the shop, presumably leading to the top. 

The pair start making their way towards them, but something clicks underneath their feet.

“Did you hear that? What was that?”

All of a sudden, the floor drops out from underneath them. 

Grian shrieks, reaching out and grabbing onto False’s arm as they fall. They land on a stack of cushions and mats, rolling off of them and onto the ground.

“False. False, you’re crushing my spine.” He winces out, slowly lifting his head from where it’s squished against the ground. False rolls off and pulls him up from the ground, looking around where they landed. 

“One normal day. One normal day is  _ all _ I ask for.” False groans.

Whatever trapdoor they fell down isn’t visible, they must’ve fallen a long way and it’s already shut on them. They appear to be in a long hallway, the end nowhere in sight. There’s old storage boxes surrounding them, metal shelves and other trinkets scattered around everywhere. Grian picks up a small bird figurine and quietly pockets it for himself.

“Are you stealing?”

“Hey, mind your business!”

False rolls her eyes and smacks him upside the head, starting to walk down the hallway. “Where are you going?” Grian shouts as he jogs after her. “Well, this is a hallway. We can only _ go _ forward from here, so it’s where I’m going.”

Grian scoffs, trailing behind her silently. The hallway is  _ long _ , filled with even more boxes and things. 

“Oooh, shiny rock!” He says, going to pick up a crystal on a shelf. False smacks his hand away. “Stop touching things!” He boos loudly in protest. “Why must you deprive me of shiny rock?”

“Well, last time you took something shiny that wasn’t yours, we had a ghost problem for a month!”

“That wasn’t my fault!”

“It very much  _ was _ ! Besides, you were put on this earth to torture me, so I am simply repaying the favor!”

Grian squawks in offense. “Hey! If anything you were put on this earth to torture  _ me _ !”

“I’m older than you?!”

“Okay? You would stack things on my head while I napped in highschool!”

“That was  _ funny—“ _

“That is  _ DEBATABLE _ —”

They reach the end of the hallway while they bicker, a grey door standing in their path. “This can only lead to good things.” False sighs sarcastically, jiggling the doorknob. It finally gives, and the room on the other side is dark, but she can vaguely make out a mirror a few feet away. “You’re not thinking about going inside, are you?” Grian asks, hiding behind her. She shrugs, taking a small step inside. “Like I said earlier, there’s nowhere else to go except forward. Might as well go.”

“You’re too calm about this.” Grian huffs, reluctantly following her. 

“Eh, we’ve been in worse. College was definitely an experience.”

As she says that, the door slams shut behind them. 

They jump in unison, yelping in surprise. 

Purple lights blare on, illuminating their surroundings. 

“Oh,  _ fuck _ this.”

They’ve found themselves in what appears to be a house of mirrors, multiples of their own reflections staring back at them. There’s a gap between the top of the mirrors and the ceiling, and there’s a large TV in the space that flickers on.

“Hello, detectives!”

Etho’s face pops on the screen, clearly in an office of some kind judging by his suit and spinning chair. He has a mask on, but they can tell he’s smiling as he clasps his hands together. 

“Where the fuck are we?” Grian asks loudly, spinning around in a circle.

Etho throws his hands up in the air dramatically. “Welcome, to my house of mirrors! I didn’t expect you guys to fall in here, if I’m being honest. This usually only happens to door-to-door salesmen!”

False blinks in confusion. “I have so many questions.”

“You get door-to-door salesmen? In a store?” Grian asks.

“You would be surprised!”

False raises her hand slowly. “Does this happen to customers? Do they drop down here when they try and enter?”

Etho shrugs and shakes his head. “Nah, this only happens when the door detects a threat.”

“Oh I have  _ so _ many more questions than I did before.”

“No time for questions!” Etho says while waving his hand. “You’re trying to get to me, right? First, you gotta escape!” 

Grian seems more pumped than False, whooping in excitement. Meanwhile, False lets out a groan of annoyance, pinching the bridge of her nose. “We’re gonna be here for so long.” 

“Awww, come on! When was the last time we went to a fair and there was a house of mirrors? Years? This could be fun!” Grian insists, running around False in a circle. She sighs, face palming silently. “Grian, the last time we were in a house of mirrors we were in there for  _ hours _ ! You kept getting lost and running around in circles, the staff had to come and find you! And now this is probably like, four times the size of that!”

Grian huffs and rolls his eyes. “You’re so negative! We’ll be fine!” False makes a strangled noise, gesturing like she’s going to choke him. “Fine! But the moment you start running into shit I am  _ not _ feeling sorry for you.”

Grian takes off and immediately smacks into a mirror. False tries so hard not to burst out laughing. “Already off to a great start!” She says, clapping him on the back. Etho snickers silently. “Hey! Don’t laugh at me!” He says. 

“You could at  _ least _ hold your arm out or something. Or maybe, I don’t know,  _ looking where you’re going? _ ” She chuckles, taking the lead from him and carefully watching her surroundings. “Okay but, that’s not as fun.”

Etho pipes up from his little TV screen. “I will admit, it is very fun watching you run right into things.”

“Alright False I’m following you—“

Etho boos, leaning back in his chair and kicking his feet up on the table. “At least I can still torment you guys by talking.”

“ _Please._ _Please do not._ ”

Grian kicks at False’s shins. “You deserve it.” 

“Do you want me to do a clown impression?”

“NO!”

“ _ YES! _ ”

False feels her soul leave her body for a moment. Every day 

God tests her patience and doesn’t seem to be stopping today. Etho talks in a ridiculous clown voice while Grian laughs behind her, still somehow managing to run into things. She considered calling Ren, but there’s no service down here so it’s hopeless. 

“Therapy is gonna be so interesting after this.” False sighs, feeling like she’s been going in circles. She hears Etho hold back a laugh. “What better place to reflect than the house of mirrors?”

False is trying so hard to keep her composure while Grian absolutely loses it. “Hey Etho? I’m five seconds away from smashing some mirrors.” 

“I would very much like to see you try.” He says encouragingly.

False takes one of her shoes off and throws it at one of the mirrors full speed, expecting it to shatter but instead it comically bounces off and hits her stomach. She yelps, fumbling to catch her shoe. “This sucks. I wanna go home.”

“I don’t know, I’m having a lot of fun myself!” Etho says rather cheerfully. 

False throws her shoe again, this time at Etho’s TV, watching it crack the screen and bouncing off somewhere in the distance. Grian cheers and gives her a high five.

“Did you just shatter my TV?!” He shouts, leaning in the frame so his face is in the not cracked part. False grumbles as she realizes she’s lost a shoe and she doesn’t know where it is. “You deserve it!” 

“Good luck finding your shoe!”

“Fuck you!”

They go around in circles for a few more minutes, or what at least feels like circles, there isn’t much of a way to tell how big this room is. 

“Hey, uh...False? I think I lost you.” 

False whips around and sure enough, Grian’s gone and his voice distant. “When the fuck did you wander off?” She yells so he can hear her better.

“I don’t know!”

She groans, rubbing her temples in frustration. “Etho! You just let this happen?!”

“Yeah.”

“Alright—you know what? Grian, try not to die. We’ll probably run into each other eventually. At least I hope.” Grian shouts an agreement and heads off in his own direction. Etho can only watch as they head off in the complete opposite ways from each other, farther and farther from before.

More time passes, Etho making small talk as False realizes she  _ is _ going in circles, deciding to backtrack the other way.

“False! I think I found your shoe!” Grian yells somewhere across the room.

She hears the sound of him bumping his head against a mirror, followed by a quiet grunt.

“Nevermind. It’s just the reflection. Should be around here somewhere though!”

False can see Etho holding his head in his hands out of the corner of her vision. “Grian, I swear to god, if you keep smacking into things I’m gonna make this experience worse for the both of you.” 

“Can’t get any worse than it already is!” False shouts. Grian flips him off and bumps up against a wall. “Fuck you! I forgot to put in my contacts today!”

“ _ THAT EXPLAINS SO MUCH _ —“

“Hey! I found your shoe for real this time!” Grian says as he picks up the slightly scuffed mary jane from where it’s in the middle of his path. “Nice!” False sees him in a mirror behind her, turning around and turning a corner and being surprised when it’s actually him rather than a reflection. He has his back turned, so she takes the opportunity to spook him as she walks up to him.

He shrieks, jumping up in fear. “Oh fuck you! My soul left my body for a second!” He complains, lightly smacking her on the arm as she laughs. She takes her shoe back and slips it on, dusting herself off. “Alright. We’re getting out of here before I slowly lose my mind more than I already have.”

“This reminds me of that time when I was younger I got lost in the store and you came and found me.” Grian sighs nostalgically. False snorts. “Yeah, I found you crying next to the toy aisle.”

“In my defense, I was five, lost and scared!”

She laughs loudly, patting the top of his head. “Oh, we gotta go back. We’ve been in his area before.”

“How can you tell?”

She points at the mirror. “There’s fingerprints and marks from where you ran into it.”

“Oh!” 

Etho claps his hands together. “Look at you two, working together!” 

“It’s part of the job, unfortunately.” False sighs.

“And being born.” Grian adds. “Yeah, that too.”

“My head hurts.”

“I can’t even  _ begin _ to imagine why.”

They circle around a few more times before Grian sits down, complaining about his feet hurting. False lets out a heavy sigh, readjusting the beanie on her head. “I’ve accepted my fate. I’m gonna die here. We’ve gone around in circles like five hundred times! I’m starting to think there’s no exit.”

Even though Etho insists there  _ is _ an exit, they haven’t found it after what feels like hours, so he’s obviously lying to them. Grian lies down flat on the ground, staring at the ceiling. “Do you think Ren will remember to feed Columbo when we’re gone?” He asks. Columbo’s their pet cat, yes 100% named after the TV detective, they have a branding they’re running with.

False kicks at a mirror in frustration, a small clicking sound being heard. The mirror swings to reveal it’s in fact a door, leading to a colorful hallway. “Hey, you did it! You found the exit!” Etho says cheerfully, hitting a button and a soundtrack cheering noise playing. False interalizes a scream. Grian does not.

“I’m not even gonna process any of my emotions right now. Let’s just go and get out of here.” False groans, dragging Grian by the arm. The hallway floor is lined with trampoline, the two detectives jumping to the other end. “Was the theme of down here a messed up circus fair or something?” False asks, struggling to walk normally across the floor.

Grian jumps, bouncing on his butt before landing back on his feet. “I dunno. I would’ve preferred this to the house of mirrors. More fun!” He jumps again, landing horribly on his back instead with an exaggerated flop. “Nevermind, my headache is worse now. I’ve made so many mistakes.” 

False snorts as she extends her hand out to help him up. “Hubris.” They stumble to the end, but instead of a door there’s a tube slide like in those indoor playgrounds. “You go first.” False says with a nod of her head. Grian reluctantly agrees, sliding down with her following shortly after. The slide ends in an office, the two sliding across the floor as they reach the bottom. 

Etho’s waiting for them at his desk, except he looks up from scrolling on his phone and quickly puts it down when he realizes they’re there. “Welcome! Have a seat! That took a while, but now we can discuss!” 

False and Grian glance at each other, quietly pulling up two chairs from the corner of the room. “I have so many questions.” Grian blinks. Etho hands him an ice pack.  _ When the hell did he get that? Where did it come from? There’s so many more questions now _ .

False looks around at the space they’re in. “This is your office?”

“Yep!”

“How do you get in and out so easily?”

Etho points at a door in the corner. “I use the elevator.”

“The elevator. Of course. What’s at the top of the building?”

“My other office.”

“R...Right. I see.”

“I’m assuming we have more to discuss though?” He asks, leaning forward on his desk. They nod, Grian silently pulling out the file from his coat. “If you wouldn’t mind answering a few more questions.”

  
  


They sit on the steps outside of Shade-E-E’s, finally making it out from downstairs. Grian’s lying on his back, ice pack pressed to his head. False pulls out a small notepad and starts scribbling down what can barely be considered notes. “Did we even learn anything? Did he do anything illegal?”

“Tax evasion. The tax evasion was pretty illegal.”

“Ah, right.” She looks over her shoulder at him. “You doin’ okay?”

Grian groans in pain. “There is a small chance I have a concussion, but it’s fine. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” 

“I’m sure you’ll be fine. Worst comes to worst, Ren will probably heal you up if you asked. Speaking of...we should probably call him and give him an update.” She flips her notepad closed and sets it down, fishing in her pocket for her phone. Ren picks up shortly after she calls, cheerily answering the call. 

“Hey! How’d it go for you two?”

“Ren, I’ve taken so much psychic damage in the past few hours.”

“Oh. Not what I was expecting! W...What happened, exactly?”

False pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs. “It’s a very long story. We’ll tell you later.” 

Ren laughs. “Alright, alright. How’s G?” 

False points her phone towards him, Grian just making another pained noise.

“Is he okay?” 

“Uh...not really, no. It’s another long story.”

“Can you hand me to him please?”

False hands Grian her phone. “Hi Ren.” Grian grumbles. “Hi! What the hell did you do?” Ren responds, tone quickly changing.

He mumbles something quietly.

“What was that?”

He does it again, just a little louder this time. 

False can hear Ren ranting on the other side from where she’s sitting. Grian scrunches his nose up and slowly hands her her phone back. 

Ren’s saying something about an absolute lack of self care and how they can’t run into conflict head first, but then he sighs. “He handed me back, didn’t he?” He asks.

“Yup.”

“Figured. I’ll just do it later. Anyways, are you dudes heading home?”

They probably sound absolutely exhausted, which they very much are. “Yeah, I think we will. We can always wrap this up tomorrow.”

“Alrighty! I’ll see you guys soon?”

“Yeah, see ya Ren.”

“Adios!”

False pockets her phone, clasping her hands together. “Alright, tell you what. There is...way too much to unpack right now. We can leave the rest of this to the cops or something, we can just deal with it tomorrow. How about we go straight home?” Grian slowly sits up, sighing heavily. “That sounds like a good idea.” False helps him up once again, letting him hold onto her arm for support.

“Let’s go home, then.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> HHHHHHHHH SNAPCUBE MY BELOVED THANK U FOLLOW ME ON TUMBLR @sleepyrinas SUNGLASSES EMOJI *finger guns*


End file.
